Dynasty Conspiracy
by nutellafueled
Summary: Lu Xun discovers something that he shouldn't have. Outside forces decide to stop him. Extremely ridiculous and full of outdated references. Chapter 4: The day is saved and a prisoner is taken, all before bedtime!
1. Introduction

That's right, yet another Dynasty Warriors story, oh God! I hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer**: If Dynasty Warriors was mine, Lu Xun wouldn't have face paint in DW6, as much as I love his other clothes...

**x**

Chapter 1 – Introduction: Lu Xun Realises Something Which Could Possibly Destroy The World

**x**

The air was filled with clangs of metal, yells of men and women and the general buzz of noise that one associated with war. Above that, however, rose clearly the melody of the Dynasty Warriors battle theme that we all know and love, in all of its distorted, harsh, screeching, electric guitar glory.

"I CAN'T CONCENTRATE!" Lu Xun yelled exasperatedly, in frustration after a particularly high note had caused him to freeze. He'd plug his ears, but then he'd miss more obvious, real cues of people trying to kill him. He'd only just been aware of this horrible music playing in the background a few hours ago, at the battle's start, and he had been underperforming since.

"THE BATTLEFIELD TOO NOISY FOR YOU, KID?" Gan Ning yelled with a feral grin as he ripped down yet more enemies, staining their navy blue uniforms forever with the crimson tide. Having turned to ask his fellow general this question, he did not see a blow coming to his chest; however, he successfully parried it nonetheless and slew the soldier who had dared to do this.

"YES!" the Wu prettyboy tactician bellowed back, "I THINK IT'S REALLY ANNOYING! SERIOUSLY! I CAN'T-" A kick for the soldier who'd come close to slicing his hat in two, and the sound of blade meeting flesh, "-CONCENTRATE AMONGST THIS RACKET!" The electric guitar riff finished with a horrible distortion, and he froze mid-battle, just for that split second.

"I CAN TELL!" Gan Ning screamed back despite being driven to the edge of a ravine, by a contingent of perhaps a dozen Wei soldiers. "MY KILL COUNT ALWAYS BEATS YOURS!" But his words went unheard, as before they could fully escape from his mouth, three of the Wei soldiers had combined their strengths and had landed a blow on his chest, strong enough to knock him over. Thankfully not into the ravine. Gan Ning lay defenceless on the ground, fully at the mercy of the Wei.

It was a good thing that Lu Xun was there. Quick as lightning he disposed of all but two of the soldiers, giving Gan Ning enough time to get up. Said pirate immediately swung his sword at the soldier that Lu Xun had left him, watching as his head flew off, hitting another Wei soldier, knocking him out cold. Gan Ning was always proud of combos like that.

And the one soldier that Lu Xun had left alive was currently duking it out with the tactician himself, although the battle didn't last for long. With one skilful jab of his twin Eagles, the blade went through the soldier. Lu Xun jerked the blade out again without waiting for the soldier to die, and it cost him.

For as the soldier fell into the ravine, his dying eyes burning into Lu Xun's stomach (not having enough strength to raise his head higher, and all), he reached up with his final strength and Gan Ning turned around to watch, horrified, as the Wei soldier pulled Lu Xun –

– 's hat down with him. Come on, you expected that.

"..." Gan Ning said.

"...!" Lu Xun exclaimed, wordlessly and indignantly.

More silence between the two.

Then Lu Xun spoke. "Well," he said finally, "I suppose we should go look for it. I hope it didn't go far, and that it isn't broken."

**x**

"I don't know how you got me to agree with this..." Gan Ning grumbled. "We've been moving for _hours_! The main camp probably thinks we're dead! We had orders to get to camp ASAP!" He would have thrown both hands up in the air, but he wasn't skilled enough of a horseman to balance successfully in that position. Instead, he settled for a hard thump against the horse's shoulder to prove his point, and was rewarded with a small buck and a grumpy snort. Like horse, like owner you could say.

They had been exploring for hours, trying to find the quickest and yet still safest way down to the ravine where they'd fought. They had plotted a way, but the route would take a quarter of a day.

The boy genius was unperturbed. "It must be somewhere around here... I'm sorry, Ning," he said suddenly. "If it weren't for me being cocky, my hat wouldn't have gone missing and we wouldn't have to be looking like this."

Mentally rolling his eyes at Lu Xun's love for his hat, Gan Ning gave a small grunt, signifying his acceptance.

"We're at the bottom of the ravine now," he said, "Close, anyway. Just down these rocks. So let's just look for that soldier, get your hat, and get outta here." He gave his horse a mighty kick to get going, but the horse refused to budge. Despite any further kicks the obstinate horse stood there, giving growls every so often until eventually even Gan Ning had to stop.

"Damn horse..." he said, and Lu Xun laughed. Then stopped abruptly.

"Do you hear that, Ning?" he hissed, and Gan Ning shook his head, for there was nothing to hear and he was wondering if Lu Xun was all right.

"That's precisely what I mean, Ning," Lu Xun explained. "There isn't any of that horrible electric guitar music playing. Granted, we're not fighting, but I just don't feel good about this..." A bass note rumbled and rolled by, before finally dying down, and he shuddered. "In fact," he continued softly, "it sounds downright ominous."

"What guitar music? What're you trying to say? Is there going to be some fighting?" Gan Ning whispered angrily and the horse, rolling its eyes, stamped firmly on the ground, before shaking his head at the stupidity of its rider.

A shower of stones trickled down from where they were.

For a moment, there was nothing, but just as Gan Ning was about to dismount from his stubborn horse, a barrage of Wei arrows fired past him with the speed and accuracy of well... a skilled archer squad. They all hit stone, of course, with our two heroes and their steeds just out of range. A couple dozen hit the large rock that they were hiding behind, which trembled at the impact. Amidst the sea of blue arrows, one could just make out a lone spot of red, jerking about like a marionette.

"Well, that's goodbye to my hat," Lu Xun said glumly. "And I liked it so much too."

**x**

"Lu Xun!" Ling Tong's clear voice rang out in welcome as he spotted the tactician returning from his quest. "Where's your hat?... And you..." he finished disgustedly upon seeing his partner. But Ling Tong was not foolish enough to start a fight there and then, although every fiber in his body was begging him to.

"I thought you had died," he said to the pirate. "I was just beginning to put up the decorations, too."

Said general sighed. "I'm sorry for killing your father already!" he said, if not a little impatiently since well, he had said this many times before. "I was following orders! I didn't even know you back then!"

"And what joy it was!" Ling Tong retorted. "Nothing to worry about except—" He stopped, when he saw Lu Xun's outstretched hand of warning.

"I lost my hat in this morning's battle..." he replied, finally, to Ling Tong's question, but his head was already down in a sign of respect for the ruler of Wu coming their way.

"Hey, what's the fuss about?" a new voice, instantly recognisable as Sun Quan's, said. "Ah, Lu Xun! Gan Ning! It's nice to see you back again!" (Ling Tong barely suppressed a snarl, before turning around and stalking away) "I was beginning to think that you'd died!"

"Why does everyone always say that?" Gan Ning grumbled, half to himself. "I mean, we were only gone for a few hours... even if we had orders to get back to the main camp ASAP..."

"Oh, yes," Lu Xun said. "That reminds me. I have information for you, my lord. It will be useful against the other kingdoms, as well as those Nanmans."

"I'm glad to hear it, my dear boy," the leader of Wu said, giving him a smile. "Your observations and tactics are superb. Oh, and where's your hat?" he asked with a small frown.

Lu Xun sighed. This was going to be a long afternoon...

**x**

"As I was saying," Lu Xun said, half exasperated, jabbing at the board with one of his Eagles, looking over at his very bored class of Wu generals, "music is a very important aspect of battle. Yet, we have somehow overlooked it all these years."

"Oh, we all know about music," the great warrior Taishi Ci interrupted with a drawl and a grin, leaning back into his chair, the plume on his helmet poking somebody in the eye. He pretended not to notice the yelp, and continued, "I mean, that Wei princess's flute-playing was so horrible today, she mowed 20 men down with one note!"

Why would no one take him seriously? And Gan Ning was just sitting in the front row with a blank look on his face, not helping him in the slightest. Lu Xun tried not to sound impatient. "Yes. Thank you. But as I was saying... yes?" he asked wearily, nodding at Huang Gai, who had raised his hand.

"I have a question, _laoshi_." His tone was not mocking, but neither was it sincere. Lu Xun sighed, but nodded. "Ask away..."

"Where's your hat?" the bomb master asked with a snicker, and Lu Xun could take no more.

"I lost it!" he shouted loudly, sending Huang Gai, and the rest of the audience, and the unresponsive Gan Ning, and Lord Sun Quan who was responsible for all of this, a death glare. "This morning! Are you happy now?! You've only asked me like, oh, twenty times! Have you not seen me without my hat before?! Yes, I actually have hair!"

Huang Gai and the rest of Wu looked like they had something to say, but Lu Xun cut them off. "Forget it! I give up! If you want to know what Lord Sun Quan wanted me to tell you, ask Gan Ning! Or his horse!" He stalked out of the conference tent, only pausing to add, "Or Zhou Yu!"

With that, the tactician was gone, and not even the shouts of Sun Quan could stop him.

There was a silence following his departure, and everybody looked expectantly at Zhou Yu, who in turn looked at Gan Ning, who looked in the direction of the stables.

**x**

"So," Zhou Yu said, helpless, gesturing at the word on the board with his hands, "music is, apparently, a very important aspect of battle, and we're not talking about the music that Zhen Ji, or anybody else, plays."

"With all due respect, Zhou Yu, what _are_ we talking about, then?" Lu Meng asked. It had been a long day, and everybody just wanted this meeting to end so that they could sleep. They should have been having a party for defeating the Wei so soundly, instead of lessons!

"I don't know," Zhou Yu admitted. "I'm just up here because you all wanted me to talk."

"Shouldn't we be asking Gan Ning?" Ling Tong asked spitefully, nursing his black eye (courtesy of Taishi Ci) "If I'm not mistaken, he was there too! Weren't you?"

"'Course I was!" Gan Ning replied, not bothering to conceal his exasperation and rolling his eyes. "Why do you think I'm no strategist? The kid saw something that I couldn't, and saved all our lives!"

"You know that something's wrong when you can't understand something even your horse can," Ling Tong sneered, spinning his nunchaku idly, almost about to get into a battle stance. Sensing this, Sun Quan cleared his throat.

"Lovely! Remember what I said, Ling Tong." This was with a tone of warning, and Ling Tong stopped. "Well," Sun Quan continued, "since no one knows what we're supposed to be talking about... somebody! Go find Lu Xun! Gan Ning, describe what happened in the meantime."

**x**

_Meanwhile, in the Wei camp a few miles west..._

"That was a complete and utter failure," Cao Pi said with the air of talking about the weather, and that was the last straw for our favourite Wei bovine.

"Do you think we all don't know?" he said harshly. "Wu stepped on us like worms! Xu Zhu is out for at least three months!"

"Well," Cao Pi said, trying to placate his father, "at least we still have the archer squad above the ravine, in case that Lu Xun tries to look for his hat—"

He was interrupted by the pitter-patter of a messenger's feet as Cao Cao waved him in.

"A message from Advisor Sima Yi, my lord," the messenger said, on his knees and head bowed.

"Speak," Cao Cao snapped. "And it better be good."

The messenger gulped. "Lord Cao Cao, sir, Advisor Sima Yi regretfully informs you that the ambush attack seems to have failed." He closed his eyes, awaiting the blow that never came.

Cao Cao spat to a side. "Fool! What happened to 'oh my Lord, he will definitely come for his hat'? That Lu Xun is not as petty as Sima Yi is! You there!" he bellowed to the messenger, who quickly opened his eyes, "Tell that fool that I want a counterattack against the Wu, and that he must plan it within 2 days! And I'm being generous!"

**x**

"Something's wrong," Zhuge Liang said the moment Liu Bei stepped into the camp, and although his strategist's tone was as calm as ever, Liu Bei froze immediately. He trusted his strategist with his life and Zhuge Liang had never been wrong.

After a long pause, in which Zhuge Liang had been thinking and fanning himself, and Liu Bei had been staying frozen, eyes darting about,

"It's you, my lord," Zhuge Liang said finally, stopping his fan with a twitch of his wrist.

"Forgive me for speaking out of turn, but ever since you lost your dinky little moustache you had back in Dynasty Warriors 1 to 5, fans just don't respect you anymore. Well, it's not like they did in the first place, but..." Zhuge Liang stopped tactfully, before continuing, "I mean, you look exactly like a mere foot soldier. The moustache was your defining trait. You are the plainest leader ever to grace Chinese history."

The leaves rustled, and out of nowhere a blade found its tip at Zhuge Liang's throat. Slightly surprised, but of course that in itself involved merely a raising of the eyebrow, the strategist stared down at the blade, before following its path to meet the enraged eyes of Guan Yu, who spoke.

"Brother, he should be killed for demeaning you like that."

"Again, my lord, I apologise for speaking out of hand, but it had to be said," Zhuge Liang quickly said again.

Liu Bei fingered his upper lip self-consciously. "No, brother, it's perfectly all right. In fact, is he right? Do I look like a foot soldier?" he asked his younger brother in a concerned tone. "No, actually, wait... I need a more objective opinion," he continued, looking feverishly around for somebody. "You...! Pang Tong! Do I look like a foot soldier?"

Pang Tong did a double take and looked at his lord carefully. "Well..." he began cautiously, taking note of Guan Yu about to kill Zhuge Liang, "I think... that while your armour separates you from being the mere foot soldier, your countenance is such like that they feel a camaraderie with you." And with that, he was off, wanting to be away before Guan Yu figured out what that meant.

"Well, that settles it," Liu Bei said, downcast. "Let him go, brother. Zhuge Liang, do you have any ideas of how I can make myself individual again?"

Zhuge Liang, relieved at being released by the still angry Guan Yu, stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Am I right in supposing that you cannot regrow your moustache, my lord?" he asked. Upon receiving a forlorn nod, he nodded in return. "Well, I have a few ideas..."

**x**

I had to choose between Gan Ning and Sun Ce since well, the history nerd in me was screaming for at least _some_ continuity. But don't worry! I'll find a way to incorporate Sun Ce somehow. I mean, this fic is already messed up as it is.

Please tell me what you think!


	2. Surprise

**Disclaimer**: If Dynasty Warriors were mine, Gan Ning's DW6 costume would be shirtless. And his hair would be better... And his musou... oh gods. Haha. Well, it's not bad.

A/N: Yi Ling has not happened yet (well since Liu Bei and co. are alive and all...), and neither has He Fei.

And what can I say? I found a way...

As a side note, the first section is exactly 100 words! And each paragraph is 50 words! Yeah...

Thank you to Sashaness for the review! I was so happy when I received it! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**x**

Chapter 2 – Surprise: Headfirst Into Flames And Don't Look Back!

**x**

The little clearing in the woods was the only thing that was lit for, well, not even one mile around, but bear with it please. There, one figure knelt, still, almost within the fire's hungry reach. Quickly, it became apparent that he was praying, in a determined and resolute tone.

"Oh Father, I won't fail you. Thank you for giving me this chance to right my wrongs. Thank you for giving me this chance to return home. Thank you for allowing me to help my siblings again. I will not fail you. I will see that they never find out..."

**x**

"Okay, so, during the fight, some dying Wei guy pulled Lu Xun's hat down with him into the ravine," Gan Ning began, then stopped. He really didn't know what to say... fortunately, his hesitance was covered by a pretty little gasp from Sun Shang Xiang.

"You don't say that he..." she exclaimed, foreseeing what happened next and Gan Ning nodded. "Yeah I do, princess," he said, and lifted his gaze so that it was once again facing the entire audience and, in this way, failing to see the small frown that crossed her face. "Anyway, so we spent a quarter of a day which you spent worrying about our deaths making our way down the ravine. Finally, we get there, but just as I spurred my horse to go the last step, it stops! No matter how much I coax it, it just doesn't move." He surveyed the audience again, half expecting a sarcastic comment from Ling Tong, but it did not come. The comment from Sun Quan had really gotten to him it seemed.

"Yeah, so Lu Xun starts talking about how the music has changed. And I look at him all strangely, since well, there was no music playing. It was quiet as a baby." Gan Ning thought for a while. "Actually, that's a bad example. Anyway, he shudders, and then says it sounds ominous. I have no idea what he's talking about, so I get off my horse and check it out. But then my horse stamps on the rock we're standing on, so that a few stones run down into where I was going to go..."

"...and an ambush party starts their assault," Zhou Yu finished with a nod. "Interesting... very interesting, indeed."

"You understand what his story means, Zhou Yu?" Sun Quan said eagerly, and Zhou Yu shook his head. This shut the whole tent up pretty quick.

"No," Zhou Yu clarified, "but I have some sort of idea—"

"Lord Sun Quan! Lord Sun Quan!" a messenger called, running into the tent. As he knelt, he was breathing hard, but instead of waiting to regain his breath he continued to try to speak. "It's... It's Lord... Lord... LORD SUN CE! LORD SUN CE HAS RETURNED!"

**x**

"Wow," Sun Ce said upon seeing everyone rush out the tent, "Everyone's changed. Hey Bro!" he said, giving Sun Quan his trademark grin and suddenly making it feel like he'd never been gone at all.

Shang Xiang couldn't believe her eyes upon seeing her brother, in the flesh, alive again, talking and laughing. Her world had had crashed down when the arrows had struck him all those months ago. And just when she'd begun to pick up the pieces, he'd showed up again.

"Wow," Sun Ce said again. "A couple of new people. You'll need to give me an update, Bro. And – Oof!" He was suddenly taken by surprise by a hug attack from his rapidly tearing sister. "Damn it, Shang Xiang, I think you've grown heavier in my absence!"

Shang Xiang started to cry now, hitting her brother with her fists, making sure that he was really there and not some sort of freaky collective dream. "You see me for the first – time in a year – and this is all you can say to me?!" she yelled, and Sun Ce started to look alarmed. He hadn't even lasted 5 minutes in the camp before making a girl cry. He was just about to stutter out an apology, when Shang Xiang, quieter now, continued, "It's okay, you idiot. I just missed you so much!" She hugged him tight, and Sun Ce patted her on the back awkwardly.

"Wait," Sun Quan said abruptly and the general atmosphere of joy stopped just like that. Sun Ce gave an admiring whistle at the power his brother held.

"Not bad for a year, Quan!" he began to say, but was cut off.

"Sorry to have to do this to you, Ce, but you can't be too safe. What did you do to Zhou Yu upon meeting him?" the younger Sun brother fired out authoritatively.

"Whacked him on the head with a bamboo stick," Sun Ce answered promptly. "Man, that was funny..."

Zhou Yu's eye twitched. Good job Sun Ce. Not 10 minutes in camp and you've already pissed off your best friend.

"And what did you do when you visited me in bed the next day?" he demanded, perhaps a little pettily. Sun Ce hadn't expected this, and he looked around the camp, and when he saw that all eyes were on him he pouted.

"Can't I just tell you alone, Zhou Yu?" he begged his friend. "Come on... a talk between men!"

"Not till you prove your identify," was the level reply and Sun Ce sighed.

"I was a good and kind, unselfish friend," he began, "andIsangyoutosleep." It was obviously a source of extreme personal mortification for him, as he shut up upon saying it and folded his arms in a defensive gesture. "Are you going to make me repeat it slowly?" he challenged Zhou Yu boldly, jutting his chin up.

Zhou Yu laughed softly. "Maybe next time," he said, approaching his childhood friend. "It's been a while, Sun Ce. Welcome back."

"_I_ should be the one saying that!" Sun Quan said loudly, embracing his brother and sister. Then he turned to look back at the camp. "You know what?" he continued, in the same loud voice. "Screw the Wei invasion! This calls for a party! Break out the wine!!"

The resounding cheer was wiped out, however, by Sun Ce.

"Actually, I think you should save the celebrations for later, Bro," he said matter-of-factly. "The Wei are going to attack our palace in five days. Where's Lu Xun? I need to speak to him."

**x**

At this moment, the target of conversation was heading angrily away from the Wu camp. He had been undermined, made fun of, laughed at! And okay, he was a little sensitive about losing his hat. But seriously, did all of them have to ask?! He'd answered Ling Tong and Lord Sun Quan contentedly enough, answered Sun Shang Xiang with a small smile because she'd been so damn shy about it, and had answered Taishi Ci later in the day, getting tired of the whole spectacle. Soon everybody in the Wu camp had heard of his loss of hat, and insisted on_ rubbing it in his face_! And just imagining the potential reactions of his fellow generals back at home was giving him a headache. Lu Xun was not a happy camper! And now, his important discovery had been ridiculed as well. It was really too much! And so now he was riding away from the Wu camp as quickly as he could, not in the direction of the Wei camp of course, when all of a sudden a lit clearing caught his eye.

Anger fully extinguished and replaced by caution now, Lu Xun slow down to a trot and then finally a walk as he approached the clearing, ready his twin Eagles just in case. When he felt that they could not get any closer without being heard, he dismounted and crept into the clearing, twin Eagles always in front of him, so that they could retaliate against any possible enemy.

Imagine his surprise when he saw a head, floating in a fire.

"Oh, my God," the head said, although the tone was nowhere near one of distress. In fact it was near conversational and seemed wholly unimpressed at seeing Lu Xun.

"OH MY GOD!!!" Lu Xun shrieked and began to back away, but stopped, perhaps, out of a respect to the owner of that head, when the head ordered, "Wait!"

"Thank God," the head continued. "I thought it was my son again. I swear, if I hear another 'Pop' from that boy again, I swear I'll die... well, die again, that is," he added, musing to himself.

Lu Xun's eyes popped out and his mouth hit the floor at that moment. All the facts pointed to one result, one extremely bizarre result... Lu Xun had to pinch himself to make sure that he wasn't dreaming.

"Lord Sun Jian?" he finally asked.

"That's my good boy!" Sun Jian's head said, satisfied, bobbing in the fire vigorously. "You always were one of the most observant ones. I mean, you even spotted the whole thing with the background music... Gan Ning was just sadly oblivious."

"Wait, Lord Sun Jian." Lu Xun was much too flabbergasted to remember his manners. As it was, his brain grasped on the only thing he could think of, a logical discrepancy that kept his brain sane. "If you don't mind me asking, how do you know Gan Ning? You died before he arrived..."

"You find out a lot of things in Heaven!" Sun Jian replied cheerfully, with a hearty laugh. "Say, where's your h—" However, and Lu Xun was thankful for this, Sun Jian stopped half way through the question. "Somebody is coming," he said. "I'd talk to you more, but I really cannot reveal myself to anybody else. I hope to see you soon, young Lu Xun!"

And just like that he was gone. Lu Xun blinked, not even sure himself whether it had all been a hallucination, but was distracted by a call.

"Who's there – Come out!" It was a young voice, but authoritative nonetheless. Figuring that Sun Jian would have warned him had danger came, Lu Xun stepped closer to the voice, and nodded at the Wu soldier.

"What is it?" he asked nonchalantly, as if him straying a mile from the camp in anger was a normal occurrence.

The soldier was speechless for a while, probably thinking about how to phrase his message probably, and Lu Xun waited patiently. Eventually, he could not wait any longer, and headed for his horse. "Yes?" he prompted as he mounted.

The messenger finally found his tongue. "Um... General Lu Xun... Lord Sun Ce requests your presence, sir," he said, then added as Lu Xun stared at him blankly, "He appeared at our camp just under half an hour ago."

It made absolutely no sense to Lu Xun, but he nodded, and accepted the facts as they were. I mean, having just seen the head of your former leader bouncing merrily in a cushion of flame was liable to make anybody doubt the world. "Thank you!" he said, urging the horse to start at a gallop back. And what else could he say but that?

**x**

"Don't ask how I know," Sun Ce said once all the generals were assembled in the tent again. "Just trust me on this one." He tapped at the map on the board with one of his tonfa.

"We need to set off tomorrow. Cao Cao has some officers stationed in Runan which is just a little over a day's hard travel away from our capital. In the next few days, they will travel to Niu Zhu Castle, five hours from our walls. On the other hand, we are at best two days, at worst five days away from Jian Ye. I have no doubt that our castle will be able to repel the forces for a short while, but unless we return swiftly our capital and the Wu Empire will fall. Especially as you are not within it to give the soldiers support, Emperor," Sun Ce finished, giving his brother a small smile, but it quickly turned grim again.

"Also, Cao Cao and _his_ camp west of us will soon be moving over to aid the invasion. Zhang He, Cao Pi, Sima Yi, the lot. They will require a day to rest after you owned them so badly, giving us at least this much time—" Sun Ce stopped as he saw the generals staring at his strangely. "What is it?" he asked, a little annoyed. "Have I grown a second head, or something?" Now was not the time for jokes!

Zhou Yu was the first to recover from the sudden usage of that foreign word. "Nothing, Ce," he replied smoothly. "Please continue. I don't know about the rest of us, but I was just thinking about the interesting vocabulary you've picked up on your... travels." Yeah, 'travels' was the word.

Sun Ce blinked. "Well, I'll explain it all later after we celebrate our victory," he said. "Everybody needs to rest well, so I'll end today's meeting, but tomorrow I will hold another one. Suffice to say, we are rushing back to Jian Ye starting tomorrow. Is that all right, Bro?" he asked him after catching his eye.

Sun Quan nodded. He would have to have a serious talk with Ce once everything was settled down, about the position of Emperor, but for now, he was content to let him guide.

**x**

"Lu Xun, could I keep you for just a few minutes?" Sun Ce asked as one by one, the tired generals filed out of the tent. "You too, Zhou Yu."

"Yes, my lord?" Lu Xun asked once the three of them were alone in the tent. "Yes?" he asked again, when Sun Ce did not reply, instead frowning a little.

"Oh, forgive me Lu Xun," Sun Ce suddenly said, and Lu Xun jumped a little. "I was just thinking of the best way to phrase this." Lu Xun nodded, and waited for him to continue, and Sun Ce eventually did.

"You know how today you discovered something?" he began, and Lu Xun immediately looked so relieved that Sun Ce felt bad for having to say what he said next: "Well, forget it."

Lu Xun blinked, and blurted, "Excuse me, my lord? But I believe that it would be very important—"

"It would be extremely beneficial to our camp, I agree, but using it would just be playing with the heavens," Sun Ce said firmly. "Do you know why I'm back? Both of you? The forces above sent me on a mission, which happens to be to prevent the world from further finding out about what Lu Xun realised today. If I fail, I will be sent back in disgrace. If you tell anyone, or if anybody finds out, _I will disappear_. So please, Zhou Yu, do not try to figure it out, and Lu Xun, do not try to tell anybody despite the temptations. I am not lying, or exaggerating, when I say that this knowledge in the wrong hands could bring about the destruction of the world."

Silence. The elder Sun had spoken with such uncharacteristic gloom and seriousness that the words sunk it all the more deeply.

"Won't people just find out about it in the future, whatever it is?" Zhou Yu finally asked. "You're not going to live forever, you know. And China is going to progress."

"Actually, you don't know that," Sun Ce replied and cleared his throat. "About me not going to live forever, I mean. Ahem. Anyway. To answer your question, they won't. With progress will come more and more forms of entertainment, and as the people's attentions are focused on them they don't actually figure it out. For the next two thousand years, anyway," he said. "I couldn't see any further than that." A shrug, as if it was plain and simple like that.

"Treat it as a form of intuition, Lu Xun," he finished, sensing that the young Wu officer was still full of doubt. "Many people know what you know to a small degree. That is what they call the 'sixth sense', the ability to sense when the situation's off. Imagine what the world would be like if people like Sima Yi could manipulate it. Cloud the sixth sense, or make it go haywire. The world would be in chaos."

**x**

_Two days later..._

Having rested at Xia Pi, the Wei army was now marching as planned to Niu Zhu and Jian Ye to reinforce the planned attack. Cao Cao had listened to Sima Yi's plan, and had deemed it acceptable, even going as far as to give the man a pat on the back.

As ordered, the generals stationed in Runan and near that area had all started to move to Niu Zhu Castle. So far, Xiahou Dun, Yue Jin, and Zhang Liao had reached Niu Zhu, while Xun You, Xun Yu and Yu Jin had yet to arrive. Some other generals also in the surrounding area had also started their march. The rest of the Wei generals had been ordered to stay in the west of Wei country, in case Shu decided to invade.

Sun Ce and his camp were ahead of Cao Cao, but only slightly. The sheer size of their camp meant that movement was slower than hoped, and things were not looking good.

In Jian Ye, Lu Meng, the Qiao sisters, Zhou Tai, Cheng Pu and a couple of other generals were relaxed and content, spending their days worrying only for their Emperor, and their nights with fine dining, dancing and laughing. The messenger Sun Ce had sent them had been intercepted and killed. They had no idea what was in store for them, no idea of the attack that Sima Yi had planned...

But hey, they were skilled warriors, right?

Right?

**x**

Right now you are probably thinking... OMG! THERE ACTUALLY IS A PLOT! As well as WTF IS UP WITH THE LAST SECTION!

The answer is... I don't know! Or rather, I won't tell you! (: But please don't get your hopes up.

Please leave a review!! Or... I don't know, I'll make everybody fall in love with Liu Bei!


	3. Invasion

**Disclaimer:** If Dynasty Warriors were mine, I would give Sun Shang Xiang her old look back.

Kouri is happy, yes she is. Chapter writing seems to be progressing greatly. Actually, it's slowing now... but she's still full of ideas!

I'm not too happy with the beginning... I guess I just don't feel comfortable writing the Qiao sisters. This chapter was so hard to write. I forgot the presence of Zhou Tai until close to the end and had to write him in. Does it show?

Last thing (I promise): Word. Patching on Ragnarok Online sucks. And the Fanfiction Word Editor is on crack... I changed the section dividers to full stops, for better looks, and they got erased -.-

**x **

Chapter 3 – Invasion: Get Yer Hat On And Fight Like A Man!

**x **

"I can't wait to get to dinner!" Xiao Qiao announced to her sister as she skipped across the halls of Jian Ye palace, on her way to the banquet hall. "I hear that they have stuffed goose on today! I can almost smell it from here!" the younger Qiao exclaimed as her steps quickened. Then she slowed down again. "I only wish that Zhouie was here to enjoy it with me..." she added, slightly down now. Ever since his departure, she had been able to do nothing but worry about him. Da Qiao and Lu Meng had advised her to relax and enjoy herself, and she did, but she couldn't help but think of her husband every once in a while...

"Oh!" the girl caught herself as her sister gave her only a half-smile in return. "Sorry, sis! Really I am! I'm really sorry!" It had not been smart to talk about her husband when Da Qiao had none to talk about...

Da Qiao gave her a bigger smile in return, although it was still tinged with the shadow of pain. "Don't worry about it, Xiao Qiao. I ought to be putting Ce behind me. Of course I will never marry again, to honour his memory," this was strongly emphasised, "but I have to continue living life. He'd want it that way." They continued walking, and it was a while before Da Qiao spoke again.

"I think," she finally said as they approached the banquet hall, "that I will take part in the next campaign." Despite not having participated in any campaigns since her husband's death, her tone was firm, and she was determined.

**x**

"_Follow General Xiahou Dun, you idiot!" A harsh whisper._

"_I don't know which one he is!" came the replying protest._

"_Oh for God's sake... if you can't see the eyepatch, or the great big sword, identify him by his horse!"_

"_I don't know which one his horse is yet!"_

"_Oh for God's sake..."_

"_I'm serious! I'm new, remember?"_

"_Oh for God's sake... General Xiahou Dun's horse is dun coloured. He always goes on about how his horse is dun, like him!"_

"_...oh for God's sake..."_

While this urgent and yet rather silly conversation was taking place in the behind ranks of the marching blue army, Xiahou Dun at the front was polishing his sword as his magnificent dun steed plodded along the 5-hour journey to Jian Ye.

"Their guard is down, and they've been partying all these months," cackled Xun Yu sidling up next to him. "It will be an easy takeover, especially with the backup Lord Cao Cao promises us!"

To this, Xiahou Dun only replied with a nod, but Zhang Liao said warningly, "While the odds are in our favour, Xun Yu, we mustn't underestimate our enemy." Giving a small snicker, he added, "Who's to say that the Wu haven't developed an immunity to what partying does to your fighting?"

"Do you have the secret weapon ready, Zhang Liao?" Yu Jin asked him, and Zhang Liao nodded, but gave a snort.

"I don't see why we have to call it our 'secret weapon'..." he mused as the dark outline of Jian Ye got closer and closer. "I mean, we've only used this tactic like a million times. It's the time we use it, and not the method, that will actually be surprising the enemy after all."

Xiahou Dun suddenly stopped. "This would be a great spot," he said, "to launch it."

"You think?" Zhang Liao echoed, pulling the reins of his horse and coming to a stop next to him. "I suppose it's the right distance. I don't understand why we're attacking at dinnertime, though. Wouldn't it be better to wait until nightfall?"

"This is why _I_ am the commander for this attack," Xiahou Dun said, almost wanting to make an eye joke, but deciding in the end not to (thank God). "Obviously, during dinnertime those Wus will be partying and drinking so hard, they can barely stand. Why attack at night, when sentries are more alert than usual, and shoot at the slightest movement, when we can just decimate one room now and wipe out half the generals of Wu?" He dismounted and headed towards the giant catapult; their (not so) 'secret weapon'.

"Where's the stone?" Xiahou Dun asked, and in a few minutes said stone was wheeled before him. Xiahou Dun ran a finger across it; its surface was smooth, and it had been whittled to form the shape of a spike so that maximum impact would be achieved.

"Launch it now, General?" the eager soldier asked. "Everybody is ready to charge."

Pensively, Xiahou Dun stared at the dark castle just under half a mile away, before making his decision.

"Yes," he said. "Do it."

**x**

"THAT WAS A GREAT ONE!" Han Dang laughed and patted Lu Meng on the back, his face red from all the alcohol he had consumed. "You don't look it, Meng, but you can be funny, when you want to be!"

Lu Meng winced as Han Dang's hand touched a raw injury that he had sustained the previous campaign. "Thanks," he said shortly, and left it at that. Zhou Tai glanced at them briefly, with an expression of someone who did not know what to say, so he didn't.

"Don'sh be sho harsh, Dang!" Xiao Qiao on the other hand admonished him cutely, devouring her goose drumstick at the same time. Coming from such a childlike woman whose mouth was full, making her words poorly formed, however, made it lose much of its effect, though, and Lu Meng sighed, but nodded to the young lady in thanks. Han Dang was just about to continue, when suddenly two scouts rushed into the room.

"Generals! Wei soldiers have been spotted_ half a mile _away!"

"What?!" Lu Meng exclaimed and the mood changed in an instant. "How could they have been overlooked until they've come so perilously close?" To say that he was annoyed was an understatement, a very gross one. To communicate his anger even more, he got up and slammed his hands on the table, before making his way over to the scout to talk with him more, and that was what saved his life.

The wall behind his seat splintered, and everybody in the castle could literally feel its foundations shake. From the sound of it, bricks had started to fall apart on the floors below which were luckily and conveniently the dungeons, which no one cared about anyway. The dungeons were currently empty, and its walls were extra fortified and underground to boot, so a little bit of enemy siege would do it no harm.

The dining hall was another matter. Cheng Pu had been sitting next to Lu Meng but now all you could see amongst the debris of the polished stone, bricks, dust and food was his arms. It had not been a pretty way to go. Everyone else had thankfully jumped out of the way in time, though, and were momentarily struck, stunned.

Lu Meng gave a small growl of frustration. "It's begun," he said and, falling back on instinct, immediately started to bark out orders. He was the most senior one out of the generals, after all. Grabbing his weapon (since good generals never let them leave their sides!), he barked out, "Xiao Qiao, lend Da Qiao a fan for now. You there, go get General Da Qiao's fans!" he ordered some random foot soldier, who immediately saluted and did as he was told. All of a sudden, the castle exploded in a bustle of activity as Pan Zhang and Han Dang grabbed their halberds just leaning idly aside, and Da Qiao accepted a fan from her sister. Zhou Tai had already run ahead of the others to the main gate, tachi in its hilt at his side. Soldiers followed him to defend the main gate; archers to the top of the castle to take their positions and rain fire. You could hear the rumble of the Wei charge. Soon, the battering ram would be used, and they had only the time in which the door remained closed to prepare.

"Hurry!" Lu Meng urged. "To the main gate! I hope the defenders in the towers know what to do..."

**x**

"Name and address please," an old man in white robes, with a sharp nose and tiny, owlish spectacles intoned clearly and slowly, as if he had said it a million times before. Which he probably had.

"Name and address please," the man repeated, as Cheng Pu stared at him incredulously, and then at himself, prodding his body, which was amazingly still intact after the rock had hit his spine, in wonder.

"Name and address please." The man's voice now held an edge to it, which meant that all sympathy was over. Cheng Pu was dead, and he would have to deal with it, or at least stop thinking about it until later, when he was no longer taking up this man's time.

"Ch-Cheng Pu of Wu. Do you mean my hometown or residence?" Cheng Pu blurted out, intimidated by the man.

But he was cut off by the sudden sigh given off by the man. "Another one, huh..." he mused, twirling his pencil and marking Cheng Pu down as what suspiciously looked like 'war dead (Three Kingdoms)'. The general did not like just being made a mere statistic, but at any rate was forced to stay quiet as the man continued talking.

"You guys get a special realm all to yourself," the man said resignedly. "Although, that is quickly getting overcrowded too... Oh well, it's not my problem I suppose. Please step this way."

He gestured to the side, and a door appeared out of nowhere, shimmering almost in an ethereal fashion. Cheng Pu stared at it dubiously, and stepped just a fraction of an inch closer to it. Hardly fast enough for the man's tastes. Quickly as Red Hare's dash, the light from the door extended towards him, and he disappeared, before he had a chance to react.

The old secretary sighed.

"Nine hundred and thirty-seven thousand, three hundred and sixty-eight more applications to go..." he mumbled to himself in a motivational manner.

**x**

"I did it! I killed Xun You!" Xiao Qiao cheered, and did a little victory jig on the battlefield, seemingly oblivious of the carnage surrounding her. The soldier had returned, and had dutifully handed Da Qiao her fans, before going off to rejoin the fight. Da Qiao had accepted her weapons gracefully and had tried very hard not to think of his eventual fate.

Somehow, the castle had resisted the initial Wei charge, and although they were still being pushed back, it was at a snail's pace. Da Qiao certainly hoped that their efforts would give the reinforcements time to arrive... but now, she was not thinking of such things, as her mind was occupied primarily by the instinct to survive and it was all she could do to hold a conversation and fight at the same time.

"No you didn't, I'm fighting him now!" she pointed out loudly to her sister, and blocked a blow with the metal part of her fan. She may have been in mortal danger, but she was still as patient towards her sister as ever.

"Yeah, don't confuse me with that sneaky pig!" Xun You said indignantly, his sword coming from behind Da Qiao to strike at her ribs. Da Qiao easily evaded it with a twist of her lithe body however, and brought the fan down on her enemy with a thwack, stunning him.

"That's Xun Yu you're fighting, sis!" Xiao Qiao insisted, fighting her way through a mob of enemy soldiers. Her movements were quick and dainty, as if she had been mincing her way along the dance floor instead, but soldiers who were fooled by her appearance certainly did not live long enough to regret it.

"No, it isn't!" Xun You roared. "Xun Yu is a short, shrimpy, cowardly character! And he's right there!" Xun You used his armour to block a blow from Da Qiao, whilst gesticulating furiously at their topic of conversation's corpse, so that Xiao Qiao could see that he was no such man.

"Yeah... that's Xun _Yu_," Da Qiao agreed mildly, in the middle of her dance of death. She and Xun You had separated, and they were now dealing blows onto their respective enemy foot soldiers. "At least we agree on one thing, General."

"Hmph," Xun You huffed as he was forced into a corner. "Unfortunately," he replied with a snarl, bashing away at the soldiers. He kept looking up, Da Qiao noted, as if he was actively seeking out, or waiting for something. However, she tossed that thought aside, and focused on decimating as many Wei troops as possible.

All of a sudden, Xun You nodded and gave a large whistle. "Retreat!" he called, even though his side was neither tired nor losing. And, even stranger, the soldiers immediately stopped fighting and followed him as they travelled back to where they had come from. No one had complained about the mistake of leaving such an easy target behind to regroup. All around the castle the Wei forces withdrew unexplainably, leaving Jian Ye Castle with a collective 'Huh?' hung over its head. Not that they were complaining.

"All right!" Xiao Qiao cheered. "We won! I'll get him!" She was about ready to do so, when Da Qiao stopped her.

"Don't chase him, Xiao Qiao. For all we know he might be leading you into a trap. We can't afford to lose you, especially when only so few generals defend the castle. Cheng Pu was first, and I don't want you to be next. Let's go back to the castle... Lu Meng may have something to say."

**x**

As it turned out, Lu Meng did. He had been reading about strategies to withstand a siege when the two sisters appeared, and looked up at them. His wound had reopened and a couple of servants were bandaging it. The warrior turned strategist looked tired, and Da Qiao certainly didn't blame him.

"They found Han Dang's body near the moats," he said. "Pan Zhang and Zhou Tai got back safely."

"Oh," Da Qiao said, swallowing. She didn't know what else to say after that; she had never really talked to Han Dang and they had viewed each other only as fellow generals fighting under the same emperor. She knew that despite his feigned annoyance towards the man, however, Han Dang had been a great friend of Lu Meng. They hadn't had a chance to talk in a long time and Lu Meng had viewed his recovery time as an opportunity to catch up with his old friend.

Then the attack had come, of course.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Da Qiao said quietly.

"He was a great person!" Xiao Qiao chimed in as well. "We have to give him a great, fun burial." She said this solemnly, but her childlike innocence was still there.

"Yeah..." Lu Meng echoed tiredly. Then, he straightened himself up. "Pan Zhang, Zhou Tai, come here," he said sharply, very unlike himself now. "We need to talk about tactics."

On the table was a map of Jian Ye, and Lu Meng pointed to the various locations as he spoke.

"It's just the five of us now, defending this castle," he said, giving them a slight grimace. "We must not fail Lord Sun Quan, and must keep this castle, even if it is at the cost of our own lives. The good thing is that for now, it is an even match. I counted five generals; five against five is fair enough.

"I have checked our supplies of fuel, arrows, weapons and food," Lu Meng continued. "We have one week's supply; and that will be enough. It will be," he insisted, half to convince the others, and half to convince himself. "And now here is what I want each of you to do. We will defend the castle.

"I will guard the main castle doors with Zhou Tai." Lu Meng's index finger hovered about the bridge and the moat. "Pan Zhang, you will provide backup to anyone who needs it, but you will start off also defending the main gate. Da Qiao and Xiao Qiao, you will defend the flanks of the castle, in the gardens. If an attack from behind us does occur, I want you to address it immediately. Don't stray out of the castle boundaries, though," he warned. "I have stationed archers to shoot at those outside our walls. Most of the fighting will be done in the courtyards, gardens and hallways, but I know you can do it. _We cannot chase them_," he stressed. "We simply do not have the manpower. For now, our primary concern is to stop the enemy from entering the inner castle, and that is all we shall do."

"Lord Lu Meng!" a scout broke in, respectfully and yet urgently. Lu Meng immediately knew that yet more bad news was coming and massaged his temples.

"What is it?" he asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"We have detected a backup force from the Wei country three miles away," the scout reported breathlessly. "They will most certainly meet up with the Wei camp by sunrise."

"Aww!" Pan Zhang snarled, frustrated. Defending one on one would be easy, but if they were outnumbered it would be so much harder. "Don't you ever give good news every once in a while, scout?!" he demanded, slamming his fist on the table. "How big are the reinforcements?"

"Actually, with all due respect sir, I do," the scout deadpanned. "Lord Sun Quan's campaign party is close and will be here by tomorrow noon. We met up with one of their scouts," he explained to the suddenly considerably more alert generals. "As for the Wei reinforcements, we estimate them to be a little more than five hundred in size, sir!"

"Thank you," Lu Meng said, and cast a glance at the taciturn Zhou Tai. Nobody knew much about this man, who preferred to be alone. All Lu Meng knew was that this was the general that Sun Quan held in the highest regard, and Lu Meng hoped that Zhou Tai had the skills to back up that honour. He'd heard that Zhou Tai had been a pirate, like Gan Ning; but unlike Gan Ning, this man was just about as social as a brick.

"We will wait for Lord Sun Quan," Lu Meng said by way of conclusion. "Even if it makes it seven against five, we will hold on until reinforcements arrive!"

"Yeah..." the generals chorused in a collectively tired unison, since it seemed like the right thing to do.

**x**

"Remember, no chasing, and no one is to get into the inner parts of the castle," Lu Meng warned as the generals prepared for battle, having been rudely awakened by the persistent sound of a battering ram. "Positions, everyone!" he ordered, and then headed with Zhou Tai to the main gate. The generals were cranky from lack of sleep and breakfast, and it showed. Xiao Qiao and Da Qiao fought more vehemently, no longer with the grace and finesse of last night, and Lu Meng and Zhou Tai simply adopted the 'beat anyone in their way up' approach. Pan Zhang had had a huge amount to drink to ward off his frustration, and was currently practicing his version of the Drunken Fist, but with his halberd of course.

Upon their arrival, Dian Wei and Xu Huang looked up from opposite sides of the battlefield. Dian Wei was attacking the castle from the left, while Xu Huang, backed up by Xun You, was attacking from the right.

"So, our meat has come, huh?" Dian Wei sniggered softly. "I wonder which unfortunate soul it is, that I'll be fighting?" he continued to himself as he bludgeoned a couple more Wu guards, and they didn't even have enough time to protest before sinking to the ground. Xu Huang, on the other hand, did not say anything; he didn't have to, as his sword did the talking, while his white turban billowed in the wind. Xun You fought next to him, and the two generals were currently back to back, defending each other at the archway of the entrance to the gardens.

Xiao Qiao stared at the two men as she and her lady guard ran towards them, her mind already thinking of ways to beat them. She had never fought two men at once before, but Zhouie had, and he had talked about how you attack one side mercilessly. Xun You seemed weaker than the turbaned guy, so all she had to do was to snare him away –

Xun You turned towards the reinforcement platoon running at him and grinned sadistically at the young girl.

"Oh, it's you again, little girl?" he said brassily. "Imagine what Zhou Yu will say when I take his wife!"

"The only things that are getting taken around here are your lives! Just because we're women doesn't mean we can't fight!" Xiao Qiao shouted loudly, and charged with her lady guard towards the two generals, and the battle of the sexes, or should I say the battle of the Xs, begun.

**x**

Meanwhile, Da Qiao was facing problems of her own. One literally huge problem, actually: Dian Wei. She'd heard that he was slow, but she could see none of that slowness as he bludgeoned the castle guard mercilessly, and they crumpled like paper dolls. She herself was feeling a little uneasy at having to duel him just when she'd started to pick up her fans again.

"Da Qiao, I'm – hic – here!" Pan Zhang called, jolting her from her thoughts, as, brandishing his weapon, he charged into the fray, swaying a little as he went.

"Pan Zhang!" Da Qiao said gratefully as she snapped out of her small reverie, and followed him. "How are Lu Meng and Zhou Tai doing?" she asked him urgently, backing him up much like Xun You was doing to Xu Huang.

"They're okay!" Pan Zhang shouted back, spinning his halberd about so fast that Da Qiao had to step back. "They asked me to come here! Lu Meng thought you could need some help."

"I do hate to interrupt your conversation," Dian Wei sneered from next to them. "But I have something to offer you!" A swing of his axe followed this statement and Da Qiao found herself regretfully having to refuse it. Sometimes being small and quick had its advantages after all. Pan Zhang's state of half-drunkenness meant that he managed to dodge the blow as well, and the two leapt away from each other and turned to face Dian Wei, who laughed.

"Is this the way it's going to play?" he asked them tauntingly. "Never mind, I can take on two at once!" With astonishing speed, he flew at Da Qiao. She did not escape fully unscathed, as although she had escaped the killer axe she had been knocked to a side by his sheer body weight. It was from the ground that she saw Pan Zhang get jumped by five enemy soldiers, as she struggled to get up. ("Son of a–!" Pan Zhang swore, the curses escaping from his mouth very unexpected from his noble and studious appearance. But then again, his being dead drunk, and everything else actually, about Pan Zhang was unexpected.)

Dian Wei had seemed to decide that Da Qiao was not a threat, as he was now heading towards Pan Zhang, instead of finishing her off. "Pan Zhang!" Da Qiao yelled in warning as she saw this, as Pan Zhang's back was turned due to him fending off the five soldiers. His long, lithe frame danced about, blocking and thrusting, whilst his beautiful long hair floated about and glowed in the sunlight. He was utterly unaware of Dian Wei approaching.

Da Qiao was too late, as with a quick movement, Dian Wei sliced Pan Zhang's head, along with a fair bit of hair, off. Pan Zhang's now short-haired head fell to the ground and, as with the other victims of Dian Wei's axe, he didn't even have enough time to react. Wiping his axe on Pan Zhang's robes, Dian Wei glanced mockingly at Da Qiao, as if blaming her for her comrade's death, raised his arm, and declared, "Pan Zhang has fallen to my ax-"

But suddenly there was a quick movement, and Dian Wei's soldiers stared as their general stiffened, before turning around, revealing an arrow sticking out of his back. Behind him was the shadow of a large red mass.

And Da Qiao's breath hitched, she wondered if it was a dream. For she was seeing Sun Ce, _her_ Sun Ce, looking utterly unsurprised at being alive, more handsome than ever before; coming to their rescue.

**x**

Man. That was a monster of a chapter...

About the battle of the Xs... I had to do it. It was begging to be pointed out. I couldn't find a way to incorporate the whole. 'Da Qiao vs Dian Wei', double D thing though. I thought a bra cup size joke would be inappropriate...

Please read and review... although you've read already... whatever.. xD


	4. Whine Up

**Disclaimer**: I'll stop complaining about DW6 now, as you have to recognise that the artists did a lot of work! Anyway, Dynasty Warriors is not mined! That's right, it grows on trees! Get your Dynasty Warriors seeds now!

Yes, that was a joke on Microsoft Word, how they keep highlighting the sentence 'XXX is not mine' as grammatically wrong and they change the 'mine' to 'mined'. Yes, I know I'm lame... deal with it!

This chapter is dedicated to Carlos Ralfer, who is the sole force (well besides me..) behind the running of this machine! YAY for lame metaphors!!

**x**

Chapter 4 – Whine Up: Defending A Castle Is Just So Everyday

**x**

"WOO HOOOO!" Sun Ce yelled as, with the aid of his horse, he mowed down men in blue, including the weakened Dian Wei, between him and his beloved castle. "GET READY FOR SOME SERIOUS OWNAGE! I'VE MISSED YOU, JIAN YE!"

He then skidded to a stop as he came face to face with Da Qiao. She was utterly splattered in blood, but did not seem to realise it. Her eyes were wide as she stared up at her husband, fascinated and unmoving. It was probably a good thing that everybody, Wu and Wei alike, was stunned by his appearance, for Da Qiao would probably not have reacted to any attack quickly enough or even at all. Sun Ce was acutely aware of her rosy cheeks, and her beautiful black hair half undone from the battle, and her deep, dark chocolate eyes, and realised just how much that he had been missing her.

"Ce..." she mouthed at him, probably too shocked to actually vocalise. Her body gave a small convulsion as some internal injury, probably from the great Wei brute he'd taken down, made itself known, but apart from that, she didn't move. This utterly beautiful, yet also helpless image of Da Qiao awoke the protector instinct in Sun Ce, and he gave a small growl.

"I'll talk to you later, my darling Da," he said tenderly from atop his horse, trying to suppress his fury. "We have a lot of catch up on. But for now... I'm going to rid our castle of these _menaces, first!_" The last few words were half lost in the snarl of anger that flashed in his eyes, as he wheeled away, and charged into the first mass of blue soldiers that he could find. They would all pay, for injuring his love like that! Sun Ce gave another snarl, that turned into a growl, and eventually a battle roar befitting that of the tigers that had raised him.

"Men, CHARGE!"

Meanwhile, Zhou Yu, who had dismounted, gently shook the still stunned Da Qiao.

"You should rest," he said to her softly. "You've had a hard time..." Zhou Yu's gaze flickered over to the decapitated Pan Zhang, and his next words were significantly harder.

"Don't worry about us, Da Qiao. They will pay for daring to injure one of our great beauties, and for killing one of our great generals. Where is Xiao Qiao?" The last question was spoken more urgently, revealing at last Zhou Yu's concern for his young wife.

Da Qiao mutely pointed in the direction of where her sister would be. "Han Dang died yesterday," she managed to add in a sort of strangled voice.

"Thank you," Zhou Yu said, and his voice grew razor-sharp, although Da Qiao knew that it was not directed at her, but at the Wei forces. "Rest well. We'll be back and triumphant before nightfall! Men, please escort her to the castle. Do not allow her to fall into any harm."

"Yes SIR!" The men saluted, and escorted Da Qiao inside the castle, as Zhou Yu mounted and sped off in the opposite direction, towards his wife.

**x**

Sun Ce's roar was heard all over the castle, and everybody froze, whether it was just for that split second, or for much longer, allowing Lu Meng to stick his halberd through them, and Zhou Tai to slice off their heads.

The two men did not react. Or rather, they could not react. Earlier, they had managed to incapacitate Yu Jin and his army had retreated, but both men had been coming off worse for the entire duration of the fight. They had been fighting two-on-three for the past couple of hours, and by some miracle (and probably their skill) they were still alive. They were essentially running on autopilot as they mechanically swung, parried, dodged, and swung, again and again.

The two men's thought processes dimly registered the battle roar, but did not truly realise what it meant, and continued to fight desperately until, at last, the reinforcements arrived in a triumphant celebration of colour and noise.

"We're here!" Gan Ning roared as he charged in, the bells at his waist ringing merrily in contrast to the death cries of anything blue that moved, that was in his steed's way. And you know how his steed was like too. "Zhou Tai, Lu Meng, great job! We won't let these scum get into our home!" He was followed by the equally irate Sun Quan, and the sight of their leader instantly gave the men of Wu a huge morale boost. Completing the group were Taishi Ci and Ling Tong, brandishing their weapons. All of them dismounted, for real men fight on foot – didn't you know? – and Sun Quan gave Zhou Tai and Lu Meng a grateful look and a nod before jumping into the fray.

"It's all up to you now!" Lu Meng managed before collapsing. His wound had reopened again and by gods, it _hurt_. However, before he reached the ground, Zhou Tai caught him, and helped him back up to his feet. The ex-pirate was also looking the worse for wear, but on his face was a rare, albeit small, smile. As soldiers escorted them back to the inner castle, Lu Meng marvelled at just how much their emperor's opinion meant to the man next to him. Before he would think any further on the subject, however, the adrenaline in his body ran out, and finally feeling the strain he had put his body through, Lu Meng passed out.

**x**

The only thing stopping Pan Zhang from staring at the iridescent columns and pathways was the fact that if he didn't keep up with his escort, he would be left behind and doomed to wander this place, forever lost. Although that didn't sound to bad to him right now...

He was glad that he had waited, however, as the lady suddenly stopped, before turning around and nodding at Pan Zhang. She then disappeared just like that, leaving Pan Zhang face-to-face with Han Dang, Cheng Pu and last but not in the slightest bit least Sun Jian.

"It's been a while," Sun Jian said, looking at him up and down. "The last time I saw you, you were but a boy!"

"I was 18, my lord," Pan Zhang said, not really knowing what to say. "It's nice to see you again, Han Dang..." Again, Pan Zhang was at a loss for words. Was it really that nice to see his comrades again if it meant that he was dead; they were all dead? Surely he would rather be alive. This experience was rather surreal, and Pan Zhang didn't like it.

Cheng Pu, now perfectly at ease with his surroundings, asked, "So, how did you get here, Pan Zhang?"

Pan Zhang stared at the senior general, and not really being able to ignore him, muttered, "Decapitated by Dian Wei..." It showed too. Pan Zhang's formerly waist-long hair now only reached the nape of his neck and he was not happy, for it had taken ages to grow out. All those years of proper hair-care now wasted due to that fat bastard.

Han Dang laughed. "Better than me, mate!" he said heartily, offering Pan Zhang a cup of wine which was gratefully accepted. "I was stabbed multiple times by Zhang Liao's twin mini-scythe things. It hurt like hell, too... took me at least 15 minutes to die."

"As you know, I was buried by rock," Cheng Pu offered, and with a weary grin he gave Sun Jian a high five. "Hail, brother!" the latter said in a very pleased tone.

"This is so surreal..." Pan Zhang muttered and downed his cup of wine, before turning to the jug and pouring himself more. And more, and more...

"Tell me about it," Han Dang agreed. "Cheng Pu may have gotten used to it, but I haven't. At least we can keep an eye on how our friends are doing down there," he said, gesturing at the small pond to their right. "That's not just for show, apparently. Lord Sun Jian showed us a couple of your fights, live."

"I told you not to call me lord, already!" Sun Jian interjected with good humour. "Up here, everybody is equal. I've even learnt to be friendly to my former enemies."

"It'll be a long time before we will be able to do that..." the three of them said together, before Han Dang looked at Pan Zhang again.

"So, Zhang," he said. "Yeah... As I was saying, about the pond. L— Sun Jian, could you show Dian Wei please?" Sun Jian nodded, and a view of Dian Wei, or rather his fallen body being carried away from Jian Ye by loyal soldiers, was instantly projected on the surface of the pond.

"There, he got his just desserts. Lord Sun Quan's reinforcements dealt with him," Han Dang said, satisfied, but Pan Zhang wasn't so sure whether he should have followed in the rejoicing. Dian Wei was still alive, and he was dead, after all...

"Hey, look," Cheng Pu said half-worriedly, pointing at the pond again, and they all turned to look. The view had now switched to a bird's eye view of the entire battle. A large red mass was centered in the inner castle, while the outer castle was predominantly red, but mixed with flecks of blue. Charging towards the castle, however, was a renewed mass of blue, and it didn't take a genius to know that further Wei reinforcements had arrived.

Pan Zhang knew that he should rightly be worried, especially since his emperor was still there, fighting for the castle and their lives, but maybe it was something in the wine. Even the normally excitable Han Dang and the fiercely loyal Cheng Pu did not react overtly. The most the men could muster was a collective "Oh dear..."

Meanwhile, Sun Jian poured himself another drink, and said carelessly, "Oh, they'll fight their way through. My son is down there, after all. And I mean the dead one..."

This prompted a new round of questions and no more heed was paid to the all-seeing pond.

**x**

"It's the Conqueror!"  
"Back from the dead!"  
"I saw him with my very own eyes, with his tonfa!"  
"We all heard him!"  
"Did you say the _CONQUEROR SUN CE_?"  
"Yes, he's here!"  
"Sun Ce! Here?!"  
"He died a year ago!"  
"_I saw him!_"  
"This battle isn't worth fighting! The Wu have got the gods on their side!"

Needless to say, the morale of the Wei soldiers had been severely affected by Sun Ce's appearance alone. Many of them had scattered and a few had even managed to desert successfully, without their generals noticing. And even the loyal ones were not fighting at their full power. After he had calmed down slightly, the said Conqueror rode about on his horse, slashing at the weakened Wei army, all the while marvelling at just how scared they were. Well, the Wu country wasn't about to fall any time soon, with Quan in control, Shang Xiang so strong, and him exerting this much power even when dead!

"Yo, Shang Xiang, Lu Xun!" he shouted as he rode over to them. They had taken over the defence of the castle's left flank in Da Qiao's stead and were doing a great job in fact. There were no generals in sight, and the two generals were actually pretty relaxed, although they gutted a Wei soldier every once in a while.

"Hey, Ce!" Shang Xiang greeted him before turning back to Lu Xun. "Yeah, so I told him, 'I'm sorry, I really don't think I can meet you,' and he was like, 'I'll wait forever for you,' and I was just like, Gosh, can't you tell I'm not interested?" Shang Xiang was complaining to Lu Xun, who, not wanting to show disrespect, was nodding sagely if not a little forcedly.

"Eventually it got so bad that he threatened to just request for an arranged marriage," Shang Xiang finished, casually slicing another enemy apart with a backhand swing. "I mean, I want to be free to choose my own husband, thank you very much. Don't you agree, Xun? Wouldn't you be angry if you were forced to marry say... I don't know, that Wei bitch Zhen Ji? We have to be more modern!"

"I agree totally," Lu Xun said, half wearily, and half vehemently at the prospect of actually being forced to marry the horrible flutist. "My ears would bleed to death," he continued with a rare grin, and Shang Xiang giggled.

"That's a good one!" she said appreciatively but before she could go on Sun Ce cleared his throat. A-hem. Yeah... it was amazing how one exhalation by a protective brother could spoil a conversation.

"Zhen Ji is a wise lady," Sun Ce said, giving his sister a reproachful look. "You should learn to look beyond country affiliation, Sis!"

Sun Shang Xiang's eyes grew very wide. "Please don't tell me I just heard that, brother. You stood up for the Princess of Wei. Has she seduced you or something?"

"Of course not!" Sun Ce defended himself. "You of all people should know that Da Qiao is the only woman in my heart. I'm just saying that it would be good to treat her nicely, you know." It was so incredibly difficult for Sun Ce to instruct Shang Xiang to do something that was for her own good, without spoiling what would happen in the near future! Now he knew how the gods felt.

"Lord Sun Ce," Lu Xun interrupted urgently, holding his Eagles up, and in a proper battle position. Alerted, Shang Xiang's eyes narrowed, and she and Sun Ce did the same. "Someone's coming," the tactician explained, eyes still fixed on the direction of where the person would come, however.

"Got you, Lu Xun," Sun Ce replied. "I guess we've been relaxing far too long, it's time to—"

"To your left, my lord!" Lu Xun shouted before diving. Having no reasonable option, Sun Ce was forced to jump off his horse and in this way narrowly escaped being hit by an arrow. "See what I mean about the sixth sense?" he took this opportunity to ask, but was not granted the chance to hear the reply.

"Well, well, well..." a new voice said, slowly and deliberately, as the owner of the voice walked closer and closer to them. "If it isn't the Little Conqueror, back from the dead. You're the talk of the town."

"It's nice to see you again too, Zhang He," Sun Ce replied dryly, standing his ground as the Wei general moved even closer. Of course, as Zhang He was no fool, he was flanked by his army, which, Sun Ce saw, was already heading to keep Lu Xun and Shang Xiang busy. It appeared that Zhang He wanted him all for himself.

"Why don't we duel?" the Butterfly General suggested archly, but although he was the picture of elegance, his chin jutted up, and his eyes dared Sun Ce to refuse. Sun Ce did not take him up on that.

"Very well!" he replied boldly, striding forward to meet Zhang He face to face, looking up at the taller man. "Let's see how good you really are."

(In the mean time, Shang Xiang, whilst fending off the Wei soldiers, was sighing at the typically macho bravado displayed by the two.)

The fight was short but brutal. Sun Ce made the first, swift move, but Zhang He dodged it effortlessly, moving as erratically as his namesake butterflies. His Phoenix Talons swished and glinted in the sun, as like in all the fights preceding and following there was a short moment of quick dance. However, a year in Heaven had left Sun Ce complacent, and it was he that took the first step out of line. His deflection of Zhang He's blow sent his opponent's arms wide, but also left his own stomach vulnerable. With a speed rivalling Hex Mark, though not quite on Red Hare's level yet, Zhang He brought his talons back down on Sun Ce, and all Sun Ce could do was guard again. Zhang He attacked mercilessly, and sliced Sun Ce's weakened tonfa to pieces, leaving Sun Ce blinking as bits of bamboo fell around him.

"I_knew_ I shouldn't have gotten these crappy bamboo ones!" he eventually said, with a strong air of annoyance, before abruptly turning around and dashing away!

"Undead or not, I've got you now!" Zhang He howled in triumph, immediately giving chase. "Without your weapon, you are powerless!"

**x**

"That was close, 'chaku boy!" Gan Ning called out as he flew past a soldier attacking Ling Tong, fatally slashing the soldier in the process. He convulsed and collapsed, but neither general paid any attention to him, instead focusing only on each other for the few seconds.

"I don't need your help, Gan Ning!" Ling Tong replied furiously. "I could have taken him out on my own! Stop stealing my kills!"

Offended, Gan Ning drew back and raised an eyebrow. "What, is war a game to you then?" he retorted quickly. "Is it a competition, of who's beaten the most enemies? You of all people should know– I thought you were better than that!" he shouted before turning away to slash at more enemies.

Ling Tong's eye twitched, but he too turned away and started to hit Wei soldiers with his nunchaku, wishing furiously that it was a half-naked pirate under his weapon instead, begging for mercy. A chance glance ahead, however, reminded him of his position; Sun Quan was battling it out with Xiahou Dun and Yue Jin at the same time and, angrily, Ling Tong moved away from his post to assist his commander.

He willed himself to move as quickly as possible, away from the hated pirate and closer to his lord. Every swing of his nunchaku to clear his way, however, reminded him all the more of the arrogant Gan Ning, and Ling Tong had to try very hard not to turn around and just kill him on the spot. Reminding himself of the traitorous repercussions, he passed Taishi Ci dueling Cao Pi, and finally reached his lord, and not a moment too late either. With a well-timed flick of his nunchaku Ling Tong was able to deflect a hit to Sun Quan's back that the emperor could not himself avoid, being caught up with fighting Xiahou Dun up front.

"Thanks!" Sun Quan roared before lunging, again, at Xiahou Dun, but the one-eyed man swiftly dodged the attack and sent out a counterattack of his own, which was also dodged. And so the two men continued their seemingly perfectly choreographed swordplay tango. With some skilful twists of his nunchaku Ling Tong forced Yue Jin away from his commander, and he smirked. Now this was an enemy that he was able to insult without fear of the repercussions.

"No need to go easy on me," Ling Tong first said acidly, with a smirk, which Yue Jin ignored easily. A general of his skill had seen many taunts like that, and also the fate of the men who had succumbed to those taunts, after all. Frowning, for his taunt was not going as well as hoped, Ling Tong continued, perhaps a little unreasonably,

"The sooner you beat us, I mean, the sooner you can rush home to kill the man who's screwing your wife."

With a grim satisfaction, he noted the Wei general's involuntary twitch, as well as the fury building up in his eyes. That was good. Angry people made more mistakes. Opening his mouth again, Ling Tong continued, with a growing sense of glee,

"Maybe even your daughters!" and Yue Jin could take no more. That is, until the sound of a military horn became apparent. He stiffened as the Wei forces started to retreat, but, swearing a couple of oaths, followed them. The smouldering look he gave Ling Tong just before his departure spoke volumes, and Ling Tong felt a sense of anticipation arise in his stomach, before the confusion at the sudden, random retreat set in, of course.

**x**

_While this battle is taking place..._

"Here, elder brother," Zhang Fei said, hurling yet another pile of tightly packed papers to Liu Bei, who sighed, but caught it deftly.

"Not more...?" he said wearily, almost pleadingly, and Zhang Fei nodded regretfully. The younger man's gaze roved around his brother's room, noting that apart from the bed and a desk, the rest of the area was covered with love letters. Obviously, Liu Bei had unwittingly done something right and had gotten the female half of his people on his tail, watching his every move.

"And I'm _married_!" Liu Bei moaned as he tossed the pack to one already overflowing corner. "And the thing is, my wife hates my new style!"

Sensing that his brother needed to vent, Zhang Fei nodded sympathetically, before sitting down and, true to nature, offering his brother a cup of wine.

"She thinks I look common!" Liu Bei continued vehemently. "I can't help it that my goatee and moustache just fell out one day! I've tried telling her that it allows me to identify more with my people, but does she listen? No! And now even Kongming is telling me that I need to change," he said, gloomy again. "But I just don't see anything wrong with it!"

"Just yesterday you were talking about how you wanted to be individual, and even asked Kongming to think up some ideas," Zhang Fei felt obliged to point out.

"Yeah, but my people obviously see nothing wrong with it, so why is it such a problem?" Liu Bei asked, his tone rising sharply. Zhang Fei recoiled at this uncharacteristic behaviour and started to say soothingly, "Brother, I think you've had a little too much to drink!" Even if Liu Bei had only drank the one cup that Zhang Fei had offered him. "Why don't you just forget about it all, and go out for a walk? Or, even better, start a new war campaign. People won't notice your change of appearance when they're caught up in war fever," Zhang Fei suggested in a placating manner.

Liu Bei looked so horrified at the idea of declaring war solely to draw attention away from himself, that Zhang Fei immediately regretted even having that idea in the first place, much less voicing it out. However, a part of him was also relieved that Liu Bei was still the same inside, despite his change of appearance.

"Okay... maybe not a war campaign," he conceded, and then a brainwave struck him. "I've got an idea!" Zhang Fei declared. "Rummage around your room for a blade, will you, while I go find Guan Yu!"

**x**

The signal to retreat, sadly, had been too soft for anyone too deep in Jian Ye to hear. Zhang He and his men were the most prominent, and only, examples. Too caught up in the bloodlust, and the potential glory of defeating the Little Conqueror, Zhang He had totally forgotten to stay back and wait for the signal. Instead, he was heading full speed towards the fleeing Sun Ce.

"Holy craaaap!" Sun Ce spouted out more slang that he had learnt from watching American sitcoms back up in Heaven. "You're fast!"

Indeed, Zhang He had closed the distance between them in a matter of seconds, and things were not looking good for the unarmed, newly revived Wu prince. "Chill out!" he yelled as he sped to the back of the castle, away from the Wei forces. He vaguely remembered something here that could possibly help him... Music suddenly started to play, and, recognising this as aid from the heavens, Sun Ce started to sing along.

"_It's summertime!_" he shouted out in an attempt to distract the effeminate warrior. If Zhang He was confused, however, he did not show it, but instead concentrated harder on chasing his prey. "_You, lady looking __hot_" Sun Ce continued desperately yet still managing to change the words to fit the situation as he struggled to find that spot of earth that he was sure Xiao Qiao had prepared a few days ago. "_Show me what you got! Sun Ce and Zhang He, c'mon!_"

Still unrelenting in his chase, Zhang He finally took the time to yell, "You're pathetic, Sun Ce!" Relieved that he had at least replied, Sun Ce yelled back, "Isn't it obvious? I'm winding you up!" Deciding to continue the song, he sang, "_Wind up, wind up—_"

That was the spot!

"—_wind up—_"

A tight silence, in which Sun Ce did not dare to look behind him, for fear of losing even more of his dwindling lead, and then –

"Aaaah!" A crack was heard, followed by Zhang He's short cry of pain and surprise as he fell, inelegantly. He had stepped straight into an ankle-deep hole, fooled by the small layer of mud on the top that camouflaged it from sight, and the momentum from his speed had caused him to break his right ankle. Fortunately for Sun Ce, and unfortunately for Zhang He, they were by then so far from the rest of the fight that no one, much less the retreating Wei army, heard him. Sun Ce quickly grabbed Zhang He's Phoenix Talons, fallen on the floor, and armed himself with them. An unfamiliar weapon was better than no weapon at all. One hand was used to restrain the Butterfly General, while the other hand had the talon blades pointing at Zhang He's throat, warning him not to try anything.

Later, Sun Ce would struggle to explain what he had done to Xiao Qiao's pet budgie's grave, but for now, as he looked down for the first time of his life at Zhang He, who was glaring hatefully up at him, all he could do was grin triumphantly, boyishly, at him, and say,

"_Oyé._"

**x**

_Oh yeah..._ anyway, I'm not sure if tigers actually raised Sun Ce, but he keeps boasting about that in DW5, so whatever... If you didn't know the song, it's called 'Whine Up' by Kat de Luna. A variation of it, anyway. But honestly, it's been played everywhere! That scene came to me in a dream... it was kind of weird.

Also this chapter was plagued by the Longness of Doom. But never fear, hopefully future chapters won't be nearly as long. Somehow I feel drained after this chapter. I think I'll be cutting some parts of it in the future...

And Oh my God... I don't know if any of you caught the sexual innuendo (Gan Ning/Ling Tong scene) but man... I couldn't resist putting it in.

Also, because I didn't know where to put this scene, just insert it in between the battle:

KABOOM!

Another explosion rocked the castle, further destroying any plant life that may have survived the previous blasts, and most definitely ensuring the death of any carp that used to swim in the pond. Zhou Yu winced at the sound, and shouted at Huang Gai, "We're here to _defend_ the castle, not destroy it! Huang Gai, you're paying for that damage out of your own pockets!"

"Oh, all right!" Huang Gai shouted back, annoyed, and pocketed his bombs.

Lastly: Methinks that I need to stop with my swordplay dancing metaphors already... am I overdoing it?


End file.
